Broken Word

Thanks to Indiana Public Media for the photograph.

I tried to find the words
but they wouldn’t come out
it was just too hard to speak
what I knew nothing about
every passing moment
brought anxiety
and questions
gears in my mind clicked and whirred
no discretions
when fears come to light
like the losing of a family
honor besmirched, or the dilly
no dallying
I constantly moved, rearranged, and made changes
my image, and my faith
my ideals
these pages
through all of these emotions
and continued shifted-shapings
nothing I had done
closer moved me to placating
the stress was still there
the unknown and the wicked
the scenes in my mind costing all but one ticket
comprised of my sanity, my heart and some soul
I felt like an empty and bottomless black coal
lit aflame with a rage
that was buried so deep
the only way to breathe again
stay locked up asleep
to pray in a beg for some semi-sweet dreams
rather than the extra dark
that keep on bursting at my seams
it seems no matter how many things life brings
I just can’t cut it
I love it
the trails and trials that I go through
the struggle that we both knew
would come too
each and every action that I attempt to make
backfires and ends up
right on my empty broke plate
full of scraps and some crumbs
for the deaf, blind, and dumb
“But Son”
some they say
it’s just another day
a chance at a glance
to find back your own way
make a mark in the world
and leave it a better gray
then when you got here
but all I hear through the day
old drying tears is fears
fears of the unknown,
the frozen,
and lost
of places that we’ve been to
at all too high a cost
of our personal well being
or to that of our family
a broken down census
that is still conducted annually
these words they just
flow from a broken pen-soul
that leaks all the ink
to bring us to the penult-
imate pinnacle of cynical
where people don’t grow old
they grow up with insanity


5 thoughts on “Broken Word

  1. I like this a great deal. I feel rushed right now and will need to find a quiet time later to read again. You mention spoken word above – is there an audio of you reciting this that I missed? —–Chagall

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